This weekend I went shopping for food to donate to our local food bank. Usage at food banks was on the rise even before Covid hit and shortages around the city continue to grow now due to the pandemic. That day while putting tins of canned tuna and boxes of Kraft dinner into my basket, I was reminded of a story from my past… It wasn’t that long ago when I myself had to rely on the food bank.
I remember when it started… One day as I was picking my son up from his daycare – the director asked if I want to be a recipient of a food charity program that was starting at the centre. ‘Blessings In a Backpack’ was a program where families in need got to take home a backpack of food donated by the food bank weekly.
I will never forget how I felt – I braced myself against the pang of shame, swallowed my pride and at the same time gratefully accepted the offer. My son was 8. At first I wondered – how could they know that I could use some help with groceries and that I was at poverty level? I thought I hid it so well… But then I realized that it was most likely because my daycare payments were subsidized (due to my single mom income). Of course they weren’t judging whatsoever, it was a compassionate and helpful gift available to anyone who needed it. At that period in my life I was ‘trying’ to run my start-up biz while juggling being a parent and it wasn’t really going all that well when it came to generating revenue. I often asked myself ‘What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I have it ALL like the rest of the Mompreneurs I follow?’ I failed to recognize that what I saw on social media wasn’t reality – and that what I was doing was pretty damn amazing under the circumstances! Hindsight truly is 20/20.
That said, I had to do some deep inner work around feeling inadequate, shame, and inferior. I was able to let go of embarrassment and that I was not a charity case – nor a ‘bad mom’. With lots of time and self-healing, I learned how to send myself more love and acknowledge I was always working hard and doing my best for my son. That I was worthy, I was enough and I was deserving. I gave thanks to the benefactors… I allowed myself to receive help instead of trying to do it all on my own. I began affirming to myself and envisioning I AM a successful business owner. I AM making a comfortable living for my son and I. We ARE financially secure. I AM giving myself and my son stability. I DO get to give my son everything he needs in his life. I DO get to give back to others less fortunate. And by golly it worked. Things began to shift.
So much has changed for me since our days of ‘Blessings in a Backpack’. Yet, it’s not like I totally have it all together – in fact there are still times where I feel like an impostor -often. But what I know is this – we’re meant to live big – and to see our brilliance especially while going through the challenges. And to never give up. There are SO many who remain scared and stuck because their mind wants to keep them ‘safe’.
Which is why I’m so grateful that I now get to support people who want to follow their heart and go for their dreams. To help them summon the courage and bravely step into who they are truly meant to be.
I’m also so grateful that today I get to be the one giving back to the food bank and have been able to for a quite a while now…
If you’re feeling like you are just scratching the surface of your potential and are ready to become more aligned, courageous and confident in your calling, then please join me on my upcoming webinar ‘Say Hello To Your Future Self‘. Yearning for more time, freedom, greater abundance, and better health is simply an expression of your spirit leaning into expansion – which is what it’s meant to do!